Currently

I used to have a post series here on my blog called Sum Up Sunday where I'd just go over what happened in the week.  I'd just share what I'd been doing, pictures I took, what we were planning, etc.  I haven't done a Sum Up Sunday post since January of 2014.  That is way over a year ago.  

I feel like I've been doing a lot lately but also not doing much of anything.  It's like I can't get my head in the right place to settle on one thing and that makes me feel overwhelmed.  I've also not been blogging, and that really gets to me. When I don't blog I feel like I'm not myself.  But recently I've not really known what to say.  I feel like I've worked myself into a rut (again) and really want to just break out of it.  So I thought I'd bring back the Sum Up Sunday post and just sit down once a week and share what's been going on....my thoughts on things, etc.  Just to make the blog more personal.  

First though, we'll do a little update in the middle of the week, how about that?  There are only two major things that have been happening right now: putting the house back together after our renovation and trying not to lose my mind with the new doggie Sweetie.  (and then a third major thing I added at the end)

We are like officially done with all big stuff for the house - like we can live in the whole house now and not just 1/3 of it.  Which is AMAZING.  I've been setting up like every room but I'm most excited because I set up my own little closet area with storage for all my make up ..... which is way too much by the way.  I would say the biggest downfall from all the construction is that I bought make up because I couldn't find what I had...or rather I didn't want to dig for it.  And now I'm finding that I might need to be on an episode of Make Up Hoarders or something.  But hey, it's getting organized and I loooove it.  If you've watched two most recent videos on my YouTube channel you'll see a little bit of my vanity area too.

While Zach was home he bought us the most beautiful bedroom set.  It. Is. Gorgeous.  We also got a brand new, stacking washer & dryer.  I bought us a little free standing wardrobe/bureau thing for our linen storage.  I'll tell you what, you know you're a grown up when you get excited about a linen closet.  I love our new little storage.  The last thing is a set of cabinets and a little counter top across the hall from the laundry closet thing.  I. Am. Dead. Excited.  Which means I'm an adult.

The next big thing that's been going on is that I've been slowly losing my mind with the new dog.  It is very, very, very hard to do this.  To train a dog and just plain have her let you do what you need to do.  With Emmy, he was very chill and already came from a loving home so he pretty much had life down being a dog.  While Sweetie has gotten a lot better there are still days where I have to get up every 3 seconds to see what she's into.  I can't sit at my desk because she wants me on the couch to cuddle (or rather 'here mom, hold this bone while a chew it') or she wants to be in the bed.  She loves the bed. 

When we first got her, there was a bit of a potty problem.  That is about 90% solved I would say.  She still likes to poop in new rooms so I keep all the doors closed.  TMI? Well this is a life update soooooo.......She also ran the leash out of my hand, then when I finally caught her and wiggled enough to loosen her collar so she wiggled out of it.  I had a naked dog running around and I was terrified.  I got her attention from the neighbors yard and my goal was to run away back to our house and hope she followed me inside.  It was seriously a miracle that she just ran up to me and sat.  I leashed her up so tight and went inside to loosen things up!! Needless to say we have one collar with identification on and a second, no escape collar that goes on when we are going potty.  But man, I was scared!!! So we're doing a lot of 'come here' and 'Sweetie girl, come her' so she learns her name and to come.  She is about 2 years old the estimated at the shelter and I think they are right because she's too wound up to be any older!

Other than those two huge things, life's just been going by.  I've kept up with dying my purple hair myself and do plan on doing a blog post or video about it, probably.  I'm actually thinking of trying to cut my hair by myself....but I'm not that brave yet!!!  I've also been wearing it in curls recently with my new Curlformers (there will be a video about them, promise!).  

I recently had a big meltdown at work that earned me two 'get your shit together' days.  I was way stressed and it all culminated on a Tuesday afternoon about an hour before the end of the day while all the phones were ringing.  I just felt it from all sides - not sure if it was a panic attack or what....but it was scary.  And I'm pretty sure I scared the shit out of my boss.  But in the days before that I was feeling really stuck, really something else that I'd never felt before.  I'd stopped wearing make up - it was just too much to do.  I was sleeping a lot.  I was getting mad at the dog a lot.  Like a lot.  I thought about taking her back to a shelter because I just couldn't do it, and that really scared me.  Zach is gone too and I was doing a lot of things by myself - I mean house wise, and I just literally couldn't do it any more.  I've never felt like that before and that Tuesday, I just lost it.  I had a 4 day break over Independence Day weekend - 2 get your shit together you bat shit crazy girl days, and two regular weekend days.  And I can't tell you how much it helped.  I'd never been one to believe the mental health day thing - just taking a day a relaxing, etc - I am much too uptight to do that.  I am so uptight at my job too, and it's so fast paced, and I just have to accept that I can't do it all.  I've never been good at failure or making mistakes.  Like if I make a mistake, it eats at me.  For hours. And I've always been like that.  I can't really deal with disappointment either.  I think about why I can't just do things right for fucks sake, what the hell is wrong with me, etc.  In my job, if I make a mistake there is no instant fix either.  I can't just backspace.  It either costs us money or everyone time.  And because of the stress of being the only person who can do my job correctly with no back up I was making more mistakes, and the stress of those mistakes was leading to more mistakes....and I just broke.  But taking those days has really made me able to go back to who I was.  I've worn make up everyday for the last week and a half.  I've put my hair in curls.  I've cared about what I was wearing.  Its a really weird thing.

That got a little intense at the end didn't it?  But seriously I wanted to get it all out so I could feel a little bit more myself.  You know?  I just wanted to share a little life update here and hope to bring a diary/journal/personal thing back to the blog.  I'll let you know if I have any more meltdowns.

xoxo, Moe