How to get over an Ex // Post from the Past

I am not quite sure if you know, but I used to have another blog called Cross My Hooks.  You can still access the posts but that blog really wasn't going quite where I wanted it to, so last year I decided to switch & start fresh.

This blog was focused on crocheting & crafting.  I didn't really talk about lifestyle stuff there & I felt like I couldn't because I was so focused on crafts.  As I got into my art degree I realized that posting about life, ambition, & goals was helping me move forward.  So, I abandoned Cross My Hooks.

Before starting Cross my Hooks, I had a pretty steady boyfriend.  We dated in high school & went a long through college until one day he called me to tell me he couldn't do it any more.  Shortly there after he started dating another girl he met while we were dating.  I was devastated.  I cried constantly, sleeping was the worst part, waking up was ever worse, & I felt all alone.  It was around this time that I became who I am today.  I chopped of all my hair, gave it time, did what I wanted, & became an art major.  Now, I wouldn't trade that experience for anything.  

This is a post I wrote a long time ago about getting over your ex.  I read through it today & laughed.  The following is from the 20 year ol me in 2008 (I apologize for it's length):

While driving home from work today I heard a bit on the radio about getting over your EX. Since I now consider myself a pro, I thought I would make a list about how to do precisely that. This post will not be craft related, it will only be about the things you know people will say to you and you won't believe.

I recently, well about 6 months ago, went through a horrible breakup. I mean HORRIBLE. I was madly, utterly, and completely in love with this guy and all of a sudden, he did not feel the same way. It hurt so bad, like a ton of bricks hit me, because I had no idea we were even having problems. I searched and searched and searched for answers on the Internet, because I am a scientific minded person and each thing has a process I just needed to find it. While I never found the "perfect" quick-fix, I did find great information. Here is my Getting Over the X process:

Time

Believe me that is all it takes. The worst part is waiting for the time to pass. I read it can take up to 1/3 of the time you were with this person to get over them. When I read this I nearly flipped out, "SIX MONTHS!!" I said to myself while reading. But it was true. Time, honestly, heals all. And if you've heard this a thousand times, here's 1001 because you just have to wait and while you are waiting its a perfect time to do the following:

Breathe

Take a break from crying, eating cookie dough, mint chip ice cream, and watching those old and sickening love movies and just breathe. Enjoy the fact that you have friends, family, a pet who need you and love you. It may not be the same love, or the love you want but they are still here for you. Even when you feel alone, count all the people that would much rather see your face! I did utter to a close friend once :) while talking about this subject that "A friend can not hold you like a lover can hold you" and that I do believe is true BUT a friend can be there when a lover is not. Like now, lovers may come and go, but real true friends stick by your side.....there is nothing more constant than that.

Make a List

During my hard time I made lists constantly. I made a list of what I could control, what I couldn't control, what others controlled, what he controlled, what I needed to control, what I needed to think about those days, who I needed to call instead ofhim, etc. So make lists, lists, lists! I kept a list on my planner's weekly page, my lamp, my mirror, and any other place so I could see it and remember. It was something like: Breathe in, Time will do what it is meant to do; pass, Be you and be proud, and Don't give up. Or something along those lines.

Have a Support Group

I called my X every 3 or so hours, even more. I called him because, 1) I was away at school and couldn't spend time with him and 2) Because I loved him so much I had to speak to him. (Don't be confused here, even up until we broke up we called each other equally as much, loved each other equally as much, so I wasn't this crazy person who called her boyfriend every minute :) ) Form a group of your friends who you know you will be able to call anytime you get the urge to call that person. I called my mother most of the time but this can also help you to get closer and closer to your friends. You will find out how much they support you and how much they care for you.

Avoid Talking to Them

I can understand if you want to be friends etc, but really honestly, create a new life with out them. That way when you do end up talking to them again, you can be confident and calm. If you have the same friends and its really unavoidable tell them that you are sorry and that you really can not see them and make plans with only a few friends at a time so you are not alienating yourself or the other person. Delete their number! For me it was a liberating step towards getting on with my life!

Make a Big Change

Cut or dye your hair. Or do both! I had hair down to my butt while I was dating this guy, because HE loved long hair. It meant nothing to me, so I sat in my friend's kitchen while she chopped it off and all my friends watched! It was a liberating step for me. I got rid of a big part of me that meant something to someone that it didn't mean to me. It was like a TAKE THAT! to the guy. When he saw me (we traded things like a month after the break up) his first reaction was "you cut your hair." He still cared, and I knew it because I knew him better than anyone in the world! (We had known each other since middle school, I am now in college). So get rid of that hair cut he just loved, or that tee shirt he loved you in. It means it to him, not you.

Become Passionate about Something Else

Pick up a hobby or something you can network with others about. It will get your mind off of your X and you can start being productive! I put my energy into With Love, Crochet my online shop. It drove me to become accomplished at something, that way I wasn't wallowing in sorrows. On a campus away at school? Join clubs, organizations, hell just join PEOPLE! Get out there, enjoy life!

Oh the Rebound

Sometime you can get into a rebound type situation and not even know it! That happened to me, I just started hanging out with this guy and then "feelings" came into play! If you do find a rebound, try and just let it happen but don't hurt the other person. This is the time you can really find out if you are ready or not!

In the End

In the end you will be fine: you were fine before and you will be fine after. Its all about the time. You need to learn to be venerable again, and it will come when you least expect it. Don't keep it in the back of your mind. Sometimes a person might not speak up to you because they may feel that you might not be over that X yet. So be patient. There will be someone else. And if you know your are ready, you might have to be the pursuer and not the pursued! Lord knows I always end up being the first move maker...even when I don't mean to!!! I slip out, "we should hang out." between a class to someone before I even think about what I am doing! But luckily that was soon cleared up by a drunken friend....needless to say my weekend was greatly enhanced by her uttering secrets!

But seriously, don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway. Make it worth it by loving with all you have all the time. It is better to have loved and lost than be left out. Love to the fullest, your heart will thank you. Oh, just to had another cliche: that which doesn't kill you can only make you stronger.

PS. And when everyone says "hey, I told you all of this!" you can say "I know you did, but I had to learn it for myself just like you had to learn it. I can't learn to tie my shoes just by you telling me can I? Didn't think so."

So there you have it.  Dating advice from a 20 year old.  I am now 24 & in the first relationship after this break up.  Let me tell you, now that I took the time to discover who I am....I am so very thankful.  So thank you 20 year old me for being real.