I recently tweeted that "I have so many 'wants'...I need to be more happy with what I've got" which while it should have said 'happier', is a very true statement.
Let's be real for a second (this post might get a bit personal) I am not the broke of the brokest college students. I have parent's that have provided me with part of my college education, who have given me things I've needed & asked for, and a family that always asks if I need anything & is so willing to help me out. With all of this I've never really felt a deep feeling of want or need. I've always been good with money & saving (though I do thrift a bit too often) and I do have a lot of possessions. I am definitely a 'thing haver'. I think, however, that I've really grown up in the past year & I don't want anyone to buy me or provide me with anything.
This growing up included buying my own car, putting tires on it, registering it, & insuring it all by myself, deciding that I am not going to go home after graduation but am moving to a city/town an hour+ from my hometown, the realization that a BFA doesn't necessarily prepare you for working a desk job like much of America, and the realization that I don't want to work a desk job like the rest of America. All of these things scare me & worry me that I won't be able to provide for myself. I worry I won't be able to pay bills, insurance, food, etc but mostly that I won't be able to pursue & further my art, sewing, crocheting, & etsy shop. Running these blogs & With Love is very important to me & it is a real dream I have. I would love to have a brick & mortar shop and it is a long time goal of mine. I worry the most that I will be shackled to the bills I have to pay & have little money to do anything but just get by.
With all that said I find myself in want of things that I want to pay for. Not things I want as a gift or because I know my someone would buy them for me. I want to be able to have all of the things I want & I want to be able to buy them. I want to be able to have all the things I need & I want to be able to buy them. Since right now things I need are more important to me, I think about those things more that the things I want.
I've never really been a worrier because I know I am a hard worker, a dedicated person, & am driven to get what I want in the sense of a job. I've always had a job & have always gotten rave reviews as an employee but I worry that I won't find a job that I love that will also provide for me.
People graduate from college every year, they are prepared & unprepared, yet they graduate. Many of them achieve their goals & many end up leading happy lives. I know I will be in that category but I think it is the uncertainty that scares me. When I graduated high school I knew there was no other option (for me at least) than to go to college. This was just the natural progression of things. Well, I am getting a degree in something that people still see as unstable, a degree I feel is sort of unstable myself, but I chose it because life is to short not to do something you love. I don't know what the natural progression is after graduation. There is nothing waiting for me which is a good & bad thing. I can achieve anything I want, do whatever I want...but I don't really know what I want to do. I know what I'd like to get into, I know what kind of experiences I'd like, but I am not certain I want to be stuck with one thing just so soon.
I need to be happier with the things I have because I have a lot of nice things & I do love all the things I have. As I look around my room, I am satisfied with what I've got. I know, moving out, I'll be bringing with me a dresser, a night stand, a small little book case, two lamps, a desk, a desk chair, another chair, & a papasan chair so for furniture I am pretty much set. I just need a bed. Now that I've laid it out, my furniture worries aren't that bad. But I still need to find a job to pay for the apartment I am moving into with my best friend & the gas to get from the apartment to the job, & the loans from school.
Well that was a long & uncertain post. But I wanted to share a little of myself.
This is what I think my apartment will feel the first year or so:
Any suggestions on graduating & grabbing the world by the horns?
Firstly I commend you for going for what you love! I was an English major myself, and people always told me it was pointless, but it didn't matter. I loved it and had so much fun in college.
ReplyDeleteAs for graduating, I'd say just get ready to live it up! There are so many good things waiting for you. I wouldn't go into anything with too much expectation and just try to remember that this is such a cool time in your life. Also, look for ways to incorporate your degree into anything. I think employers really admire passion and the ability to sell yourself, so don't even worry about finding a job. You'll do great!
It sounds like you are very committed to the road you want to follow, you're just unsure of how to get to it. Don't be afraid to get out there and experience the world. Determination is half the battle, and the rest will fall into place.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to you!